Guilt and Redemption
by OJfan
Summary: What is the secret that Oscar is keeping? Can Jaime help him overcome his guilt? Thanks to messyhead for her help.
1. Chapter 1

Thanks to messyhead for her wonderful comments and suggestions.

Chapter 1

Jaime had just flown into Washington from Ojai after a long school year. After a long hard term with a demanding new principal, Jaime was just glad to have a few months to relax before the fall semester began. She and Callahan were planning a "ladies only" cruise that Saturday with Sarah and a couple of other women from the OSI. Apparently, she wasn't the only one with a crabby boss and the need to get away from it all. Callahan had complained to her that Oscar had been incredibly bad tempered recently. "He must hate the summer or something, he always gets like this in June when the heat starts to kick in."

Jaime had only known Oscar for a few years, and hadn't noticed his tendency to become an old crab at this time of the year. He usually seemed quite nice and personable, if somewhat detached. In fact, she had developed quite a crush on Oscar. Maybe it was the way he smiled at her when she was with him, or the gentle way he would greet her when she flew in from California, but something about him made Jaime want to be with him more and more. His eyes were filled with compassion, his voice with tenderness when they were together, but that was all. As Jaime thought about their relationship, she realized that she really didn't know that much about him, yet he knew almost everything there was to know about her – her file was at least 4 inches thick.

But Oscar…she knew he had been in the Navy before the O.S.I., but that was about it. He didn't seem to date much, didn't really have any friends outside of work. He attended most of the Washington parties and functions and seemed well liked by all. He was friendly and outgoing, but reserved emotionally. He never truly seemed to let anyone inside – except maybe Rudy. Even Steve didn't seem to know the real Oscar. Jaime had tried to pry some information out of him last year on their way back from a mission in Budapest, but Steve admitted that he was somewhat in the dark when in came to the mysterious Mr. Goldman's past. He had met Oscar about 6 years ago when he was still with the Air Force. He and Oscar had become good friends, but Oscar seemed reluctant to divulge any real personal information about himself.

Jaime left her hotel room and drove over to the O.S.I. with the pretense of seeing Callahan to discuss the details of their upcoming trip. As she drove into the parking lot, she saw Oscar's car, parked in his usual spot. She never knew if she would see him or not. Oscar was a busy man – if he wasn't in a meeting with the Secretary or a group of generals, he was on location with another agent trying to save the world from itself. She flashed her badge as she entered the building and took the elevator straight up to the 3rd floor.

"Jaime – hi! Are you ready for some fun in the sun?" Callahan was delighted to see her friend. Their cruise wasn't for several more days, and she hadn't expected Jaime to show up until the end of the week.

Jaime gave Callahan a hug and sat down in the chair nearest the door to Oscar's office. "Sure am. I could use the break. I tell you, that new principal – she's a real bear."

Callahan shook her head. "You've got nothing on me - I feel like Grizzly Adams himself with this one in there." She jerked her thumb in the direction of Oscar's office. "At least he'll be getting a little R&R himself – he could use it." Callahan had a look of frustration on her face. "I don't know how he does it Jaime. All the man does is work, …except… when you're here."

Jaime could feel Callahan's eyes on her, studying her as if she was figuring out a puzzle. She tried to change the subject. "Yeah, well I feel like that's all I've done for a semester…work. I am looking forward to soaking up some sun and starting a good book."

Callahan sensed Jaime's discomfort with her observation about Oscar, and went with the new change of subject, but she hadn't forgotten her own comment. Oscar did always seem happier, lighter when Jaime was around. Heck, he even smiled. "Oh, Jaime, you're not going to read the whole time are you? With all those young men in tight little Speedos prancing around you at the pool? Just make sure you save one or two for me will you?"

As she said this, the door to Oscar's office had opened. "Hi babe, I didn't know you were here. Sounds like you draw quite a crowd – huh?" Oscar walked over and kissed Jaime on the head. He couldn't resist teasing her a little. He didn't know much about her love life, but he knew Jaime well enough to know that a pack of men prancing around her wasn't her idea of a good time – Callahan's maybe, but not Jaime's. Jaime seemed more the one man type of girl.

Jaime could feel the heat rising in her cheeks, coloring them a sort of bright salmon. "Uh...no, we were just talking about….never mind." She rolled her eyes playfully - wanting to get off this subject – and quick. "I hear you're due for a vacation too – going anywhere fun?"

Oscar's eyes looked downwards as he stared at the floor. "No, nowhere special. Just getting away." His demeanor had changed in an instant. No longer playful, he seemed sullen and pensive. Almost out of courtesy he asked, "Would you like to have lunch with me? I'm not leaving until tonight."

Jaime looked at him longingly. She had hoped he would be around during the week, that was one reason she came out so early. "I'd love to Oscar, but I promised Callahan I'd have lunch with her so we could discuss our plans for the cruise – you might say we're the cruise directors."

"Oh Jaime, we can do that tomorrow. Go have lunch, I'll just drop by Sarah's and see if she'd like to go." Callahan could sense Jaime's desire to have lunch with the boss.

"No, no, that's alright. I'm really busy anyway. We'll catch up another time. I've gotta run to a meeting across town. Maybe I'll see you before I go. It was good to see you babe." Oscar let his hand slide across Jaime's shoulder as he briskly left the room.

Jaime was disappointed she wasn't going to get to spend any time with Oscar, but she had a nice lunch with Callahan, and they were able to work out the details of their trip. After they returned to the office, she stopped by to see Rudy. At least one of the men in her life wasn't always running out on her.

"Anybody home?" she asked as she knocked on Rudy's partially opened door. She could see Rudy busily studying some computer printouts – there was no telling what experiment he was working on now.

"Jaime! What a nice surprise! I didn't expect to see you until Friday." He trotted across the room and gave her a hug. Rudy had a special place in his heart for Jaime. He had figured himself for a confirmed old bachelor, and she was the closest thing to a daughter he would ever have.

"I just thought I'd stop by and see my favorite doctor." Jaime returned the hug affectionately.

"Nothing's wrong I hope," said Rudy, a slight note of fear in his voice.

"No, no…nothing's wrong – except that I'm going on a Caribbean cruise and you still don't have any decent suntan lotion for me to use." She had been joking with Rudy about this for years. It was difficult to explain though, and she got tired of the old "arm out the window" excuse.

"Well, Miss Sommers, it just so happens, I've just finished up a little concoction that I think will do the trick. It's not exactly suntan lotion, but you can put it on and it will stain your bionic limbs depending on how much you put on. Then, there is another lotion to remove the color. It's a bit of a hassle, but at least you won't have so much explaining to do." He had enjoyed working on this project, it was a bit of a distraction from his usual tedious work.

"Rudy, you're sweet! I was just kidding with you though, but thank you. I'll try it out when we leave. "

"Yeah, it looks like I'll be all alone here next week. You, Callahan, Sarah – even Oscar – you're all running out on me. What is this – a conspiracy?"

Jaime laughed. "Well, you're welcome to come with us ladies, though I think we may get a little too wild for you. Where's Oscar going? Maybe you could join him – a regular boys weekend." Jaime tried to sound casual as she inquired about Oscar's trip. It really wasn't any of her business, the man had every right to take a vacation.

Rudy stammered, "No, I don't think so. Oscar needs some time alone. Besides, I'm watching his cat for him."

This was a surprise. _A cat? Oscar_? He didn't seem like the type to have a cat. When was he ever home to feed the poor thing? "Oscar has a cat? You're kidding me. What does he do with her when he's out of town – like all the time?"

"Well, he usually has his housekeeper watch her – the poor cat has practically adopted her, but she's out of town as well for her daughter's wedding, so he asked me to come over and take care of her." Rudy wished he hadn't gotten into this whole discussion. He could see Jaime was developing feelings for Oscar – he'd have to be blind not to. But he knew it was going to be an uphill battle for her, and she wouldn't even know why. It wasn't his place to say anything, and Oscar would kill him if he did. But he had watched Oscar drown in sorrow and guilt all alone long enough. He needed someone to care about besides that cat. Someone who could love him for what he was – someone who would love him whole heartedly. For 12 years, Rudy had watched women parade in and out of Oscar's life, but none of them was Jaime. None of them had her fire, her compassion, her zest for life. If anyone could get through to him, Jaime could. Then he had a thought.

"You know, if you're going to be around a few days, maybe you could do me a favor. I really wanted to go to this conference in Philadelphia. Do you think you could feed the cat Wednesday night for me? I'd be back the next morning, so you shouldn't have any problem with your cruise." He knew this was probably not a good idea, but he had put it out there now. Jaime had an undying sense of curiosity, and this offer would be enough to send her over the edge.

Sure enough, Jaime leapt at the chance. "Sure, I'd be happy to. What's the address?" She had never been to Oscar's house. She thought she sounded casual, but Rudy saw right through her.

He suppressed a chuckle at her eagerness. "Thanks." He scrawled out the address on Woodlawn Drive in Northwest D.C. "He keeps the food in a container under the sink. She gets 1 can a day, and the litter box is in the bathroom out by the butler's pantry in the back. There are trash bags under the sink, and the garbage can is in the garage."

"Butler's pantry? I always assumed Oscar lived in an apartment somewhere. " Jaime was intrigued. She knew D.C. quite well, and that part of town was pretty swanky.

Rudy was already second guessing himself, but he knew Jaime well enough to know that once the - cat was out of the bag – so to speak, there was no going back. He gave her the key to Oscar's house as they finished chatting. "Oh, I forgot. Sometimes she gets stuck in the upstairs bathroom. If she does, you'll have to go up and get her." Rudy could see Jaime was puzzled. "Don't ask me. But the last two times I've watched that stupid cat, I've found her trapped in the shower."

"What's her name?"

"Kitty."

_Real original_. Jaime couldn't believe Oscar came up with a name like Kitty on his own.


	2. Chapter 2

Chapter 2

On Wednesday evening Jaime drove over to Oscar's house. She felt a little nervous – it's not like Oscar knew she was coming over – but she was just feeding his cat after all. She rounded the corner to his street, and found the house number. Certainly this was not what she had pictured when she wondered where Oscar lived. It was a stunning red brick Georgian Colonial with a wrought iron fence surrounding at least an acre of lightly wooded property. The grounds were immaculately landscaped and the curved half-moon driveway was lined with rose bushes. Jaime drove up the driveway and parked right in front of the house.

She fumbled briefly with the key, and then opened the door, stepping into a grand foyer. The marble floor appeared to have been recently polished, and the brass chandelier gleamed in the early evening sun like it was made of pure gold. The twin staircases rose gracefully in a sweeping semi-circle to the second floor walkway overlooking the back half of the house. She slowly walked into the house like she was walking into a dream. It was enormous – she couldn't figure out why Oscar would live in a house like this all alone. It seemed so lonely – just him and Kitty.

Her shoes clicking noisily on the hardwood floors as she walked into the cavernous living room. It was elegantly, but simply, furnished in rich, earthy tones. There was a grand piano in the corner, with picture frames adorning the top. Jaime walked over to study the pictures. There was a black and white photo of a lovely young woman, about Jaime's age, sitting on a vine covered swing. She had a smile on her face and a twinkle in her eye. Next to that picture, she saw two larger color pictures of an adorable boy and a girl, they both looked to be about two. The girl had a distinctive birthmark on her cheek that looked just like a rose. Jaime assumed they must be his niece and nephew, though she didn't remember him mentioning a sibling other than Sam. She slid her hand along the piano, feeling the slick wood surface beneath her fingertips.

Jaime looked around the other rooms to see if she could find Kitty. They were all tasteful but simple and unadorned. She found Kitty's food and dumped it in her dish, filled the water bowl and changed the litter. She had been calling Kitty since she came in, but the cat was still missing. She remembered what Rudy had said about her getting stuck in the shower, so she went upstairs to find her. There were at least 10 doors lining the hall, each of them shut. Jaime didn't know which one to open, so she started with the first one she came to. It was completely empty. No cat in there. The next one appeared to be a guest bedroom. She checked the bathroom, but no cat there either. Then she opened the door to a study. It was paneled in mahogany from ceiling to floor, with a large desk by the window and several leather chairs surrounding the desk. Jaime could see several neat stacks of papers lined up on the desk, and an opened briefcase sitting on one of the chairs. Sunlight filtered in through the wooden blinds at the windows, casting light on another set of pictures.

It was the same children in the pictures downstairs, but they were a little younger, and the woman was holding them in her lap. Then Jaime saw another picture which made her head swim and her knees buckle. She thought she might throw up. Collapsing into the large chair behind the desk, she took the picture in her trembling hands to get a better look. It was the woman – in her wedding dress – and Oscar was standing next to her in a tuxedo, their arms wrapped around each other in a lover's embrace. _Oh my God – Oscar is married_? She couldn't believe it. She never heard him mention that he had a wife. He must be divorced – she had seen him with other women at parties. But why was her picture still on his desk? And the kids? They had to be his niece and nephew, or something like that. He would certainly have mentioned that he had children.

Jaime's mind was racing to figure out the enigma that was Oscar Goldman, as she continued her search for the missing cat. If she had been startled in the last room she entered, it was nothing compared to the shock that greeted her through the next door. It looked like she had walked into a princess's room. There was a white four poster bed with a pink canopy and a pink bedspread. There were innumerable dolls and stuffed animals neatly arranged against the headboard. A little bookshelf was in the corner of the room with the name 'Rose' hand painted on the wooden rail at the top. The room looked as if it hadn't been occupied in sometime. It wasn't dusty, but it seemed more like a display than the room of a little girl.

Jaime noticed a door adjoining the room. It led into a similarly sized room, only this one was clearly a boy's room. She felt as if she had stepped into the wild west. Everywhere she looked there were horses or cowboys. There was a bookshelf in this room as well, an exact copy of the one in the little girl's room. This one had 'Sam' written on the rail. Jaime saw a picture on the dresser. It was the woman, the boy, the girl, and Oscar holding a small calico kitten. They were all smiling, the children sitting happily in the laps of the adults. Jaime couldn't help but smile at the happy picture, yet she felt a pang of jealousy, of longing. She envied the woman in the picture. She wanted to be the one sitting happily in Oscar's lap. Something was missing though. She couldn't figure out the children. Trying mightily to push the sense of foreboding from her thoughts, she gazed around the room, trying to forge, if not a happy explanation, at least a benign one, for what she had seen.

The knot in her stomach was growing larger by the minute, then she heard a plaintive "Meow". She followed the sound to yet another room. She hadn't noticed that the door was slightly ajar. It was Oscar's bedroom. Like the rest of the house, it was neat and clean. A big brass bed was in the middle of the room, tastefully decorated in a simple, manly style. She peeked into the bathroom. Just as Rudy had predicted, the wayward cat was stuck in the shower stall. As Jaime opened the door, she jumped into her arms, purring. _Poor_ _thing. You're probably scared half to death_. She carried the cat downstairs, showing Kitty her dinner, which she greedily consumed.

Jaime looked around the house once more, feeling like an intruder into this silent, lonely world. A twinge of guilt shot through her for having discovered so much about Oscar without his consent. She couldn't get her mind off of the images she had seen as she locked up the house and left for her hotel, where she drifted off into a restless sleep.


	3. Chapter 3

Chapter 3

The next day, she couldn't wait to see Rudy. She dashed into his office, only to find him in the middle of a discussion with several other scientists who had attended the conference with him the day before. Rudy excused himself for a moment and motioned for Jaime to step outside with him. "Rudy, I was wondering if I could have a minute…I, uh, there's something I wanted to talk to you about." Suddenly she felt awkward around Rudy, not knowing how to approach the subject.

Rudy knew this was coming, he had set her up after all. "Why don't you give me a few minutes, and I'll take you to lunch and we can talk – okay?" He put his arm around her, knowing she needed it right about now. "You can wait here in my office, or maybe go visit with Callahan. I'll come by and get you as soon as I'm finished."

Jaime nodded as she looked him in the eyes. "Thanks Rudy, I appreciate it." She didn't feel like talking to Callahan about their trip, there was so much more on her mind, so she waited in Rudy's office. They walked out to his car and drove over to the Mall, grabbing lunch on the way. Rudy found a secluded spot in the shade by the Reflecting Pool and they sat down on a bench to eat their lunch.

Before Jaime could speak, Rudy jumped in. "So, I guess you have a few questions about Oscar right about now." He knew that's what she was after, and there was no reason to make it more difficult on her that it already had been.

Jaime looked at him incredulously. "You knew- you knew I'd go snooping around didn't you?" She wasn't sure whether she was angry or grateful. "I didn't mean to… I mean…I didn't mean to find out. I thought I was just looking at a few…pictures. Then the cat – Kitty – she was stuck just like you said, but I couldn't find her…Oh Rudy!" Leaning into his chest, her eyes were filled with tears.

Rudy patted her gently on the back. "Maybe it wasn't such a good idea, sending you in there unprepared. It's just…well, I've watched you over the years, and I can tell that you have…feelings for Oscar. " Jaime's eyes met his. She couldn't believe she was that obvious. Rudy took a deep breath. "Honey, he's been through more than any man should have to bear, and I don't know if he'll ever be able to commit to someone again. I just don't want to see you get hurt." This was going to be difficult, but he had already started down the path now, he might as well go all the way.

"Oscar was married before, as you've probably already guessed. Suzanne was the daughter of one of our ambassadors. They met at a diplomatic party about 15 years ago. They dated for a few months, and then got married. Oscar was just mad about her. I'd never seen him so head over heels in love with anyone. Then a year or so later, Rose and Sam came along – twins. Everything was perfect – for a while, until Suzanne began to have problems with Oscar's work. It was dangerous, and she wanted him to quit. He refused, telling her that she knew what he did when she married him, and that he could take care of them."

Rudy paused for a minute, his eyes began to get moist. Jaime clasped his hands in hers, a terrible sense of dread forming in the pit of her stomach. "And?...Where are they now?"

Rudy swallowed hard and began again, ignoring Jaime's question for the present. "As I said, Oscar and Suzanne were having problems. He was still madly in love with her, but I don't think she felt the same way anymore. She was always sniping at him, disparaging him and his work. He had recently been threatened by an Asian terrorist group, and that didn't help matters any. Anyway, he wanted to take her away to Maine to a cabin he has up there, so they could try to work things out. One day, they had a real quarrel, and she stormed out with the kids. She said she was leaving him, loaded the kids on their boat, and left. He watched her as she rounded the bend. Then he saw the explosion. By the time he drove around to the point, the boat was in flames… He swam out to it, but couldn't find his family. The police divers looked for two days, but couldn't find anything. Then the NSB was called in. They determined that the bomb was set by the terrorist group – they had made good on their threat, but missed their target. They assumed it would be Oscar on the boat. Hansen found the bodies himself. He said there were burned beyond recognition."

Jaime was in shock. She had never dreamed that the smiling people she had seen in the frames had met such a tragic fate. The sick feeling in her stomach burned her insides. "Oh, Rudy. I had no idea. That poor woman – those poor children. I can't even begin to imagine what that must have been like for Oscar."

"Jaime, he blames himself. He felt he didn't take the threat seriously. He was the one who refused to quit the O.S.I. " Rudy could see Jaime beginning to protest. "Honey, I know it's not his fault, but he doesn't see it that way. He's never gotten over it – he'll probably never get over it – it's been twelve years since they died. Anyway, maybe now you'll know why he seems so…reserved…sometimes. He's dated off and on several times over the years, but he's never let anyone get too close. I think he's afraid for them – and for himself. "

That night Jaime was still digesting the words she had heard from Rudy. He had asked her not to tell Oscar – to let him tell her in his own time. Jaime felt like she would forever be living a lie until Oscar knew that she was now aware of his past.

The days dragged on, even the cruise didn't lighten her mood. Usually Jaime was the life of the party, but she just couldn't break herself out of the funk she was in. Even Sarah's off-key rendition of "I am Woman Hear me Roar" during Karaoke night barely elicited a chuckle. All she could think of was Oscar.

It would be another month before she would see him. He was coming out to L.A. for a meeting with some representatives from the Chinese government, and Jaime had asked if he would like to come over for dinner the night before. Thankfully, Oscar had said yes.


	4. Chapter 4

Chapter 4

Oscar sat at his desk looking over some papers he was bringing with him for the talks with the Chinese. It was sure to be a tedious meeting – the interpreters added a couple of hours with all their translations. It had been a month since Oscar had been in Maine on vacation, but it felt like a year - the stress of the job was taking its toll on him. When he heard the knock on the door, he irritably snapped "Come in."

Rudy hesitantly poked his head into the office. "You busy?" He knew Oscar was leaving for California that afternoon, and he wanted to stop in to see him – especially since he was going to see Jaime that evening. He still wasn't sure if he did the right thing in letting Jaime in on Oscar's secrets.

Oscar looked up from his papers and smiled exhaustedly. "No, Rudy, come on in. I could use a break. I was just going over my notes for tomorrow."

Rudy wasn't sure how he was going to broach the subject. "So, you gonna to get to see Jaime while you're out there?"

"Uh, yeah, as a matter of fact she's cooking me dinner tonight."

Rudy chuckled to himself. "Do you know that in all the years I've known her, she has NEVER cooked me dinner….Yet every time you go out there, it seems she's making you a meal. Now why do you suppose that is?" Rudy had quite a pleased look on his face as he watched Oscar squirm.

"I don't know Rudy…What the hell's that supposed to mean? It's just dinner for God sakes." Oscar didn't like to be vulnerable, and he felt extremely vulnerable when it came to Jaime. Over the years, he had found himself falling – hard- for Jaime. He had been resisting his feelings as best he could, but his attraction to her kept growing.

"Oscar. Come on. It's me you're talking to. I've watched you over the years with her. It's okay for you to want to be with someone." Rudy looked at his friend. He had never met anyone so consumed with guilt.

"Look, can we please just drop it, and let me lead my life in misery? I've been getting along just fine, thank you very much."

Rudy could see there was no point in discussing Oscar's love life any more tonight. But he had succeeded in planting a seed in Oscar's mind about Jaime. Maybe she would take care of the rest. He grinned at the thought of her trying to capture the unreachable Oscar Goldman's heart.

Jaime had been looking forward to her dinner with Oscar for weeks. She was hoping to be able to reach him somehow, to make him understand that he didn't have to go through life alone, that there were people who cared about him – that she cared about him. She agonized over what to make for dinner. Oscar had been over several times before, but she wanted tonight to be special. She found a new recipe for a pasta sauce with fresh tomatoes and peppers to go over a bed of linguine along with some crisp greens and an assortment of vegetables for the salad. For dessert, she planned on a plate of berries with a fresh whipped cream.

Jaime prepared the sauce and chopped all the vegetables for the salad before getting dressed. She wanted to be able to relax a little before Oscar arrived, just to calm her nerves. Excitement coursed through her body when she thought of seeing him in just a few hours. Looking through her closet, Jaime decided on a pale blue sleeveless dress with a scalloped neck. The polished cotton skirt swirled softly around her as she walked. She left her hair down, flowing softly around her shoulders. A spritz of perfume, and she was ready.

When she heard his car pull up, she lit the candles and put on some soft music to complete the romantic atmosphere. As Oscar knocked on the door she called down to him, "Come on up." He looked great. He had on a white cotton shirt and khaki pants, the arms of his shirt rolled up to show off his tanned forearms, and the shirt unbuttoned at the top, giving him a distinctively casual look. He smiled as he strode across the floor to greet Jaime, embracing her warmly, planting a light kiss on her cheek. Jaime lingered in his arms a little longer than she usually did, reluctant to give up such close proximity.

With one arm still around his waist, she slid the other hand up to stroke his cheek, feeling the freshly shaven skin beneath her fingertips. "I've missed you Oscar. I'm so glad you were able to come tonight." Her voice was soft and sultry, matching the look in her eyes as she locked her gaze with his.

Oscar felt a shudder shoot down his spine at her touch. She looked radiant, and her touch ignited a flame inside him that he thought had been put out forever. He swallowed hard, trying to build up the courage to resist her. "Yeah, me too. It's been a while since I've been out here. Hey, how was the cruise? Did you pick up any of those young men in the tight little Speedos?" He grinned a little as he stepped away from her, remembering Callahan's earlier remark.

Jaime blushed slightly as she poured two glasses of wine and sat on the sofa, patting the cushion next to her. "No, they're not really my type. A little too immature for me." They quietly sipped their wine as they talked about what they had been doing the past few months. Oscar had forgotten how much he enjoyed their evenings together – how easy Jaime was to be with, how nice he felt when he was with her. It was almost like he was able to forget about…everything…for a few brief shining moments.

The kitchen timer went off, and Jaime excused herself as she drained the pasta and began to serve their dinner. The cool, crunchy salad nicely balanced the soft, warm linguini. Oscar usually ate something from a can or a takeout restaurant for dinner, so this was a real feast for his taste buds. The peppercorn dressing added just the right kick to the salad, and Jaime had sautéed the peppers and tomatoes to perfection before adding them to the pasta sauce. He watched in reverie as Jaime swirled her fork into the pile of linguini, then rolled it onto her tongue, her lips slowly surrounding the pasta as she savored the mouthful of food. She caught him gazing at her, and smiled a provocative smile.

She moved her knees so that they lightly touched his thighs. "You know, Oscar, I've known you for several years now, and I still feel like there is so much about you that I just don't know. I was wondering if maybe we could take a trip together or something – not for a mission – more like a vacation." She knew this was a HUGE step, but she was tired of waiting. She could see him shift uncomfortably in his chair, moving his legs away from hers, in an attempt to regain his senses. He took her hand tenderly in his as he met her smoldering gaze.

"We'll see babe, we'll see. I won't be able to get away until next summer anyway. Maybe we can talk about it then." He could see a look of utter dejection sweep across Jaime's face. She had never made a pass at him like that, and he knew that it must have taken a lot for her to make this one. It made Oscar's heart leap at the thought that she was interested in him, but at the same time, he felt guilty about not being able to return her affections, or even to let her know why. Jaime had such an open, honest way about her – that was one of the things he loved the most about her.

He resisted the urge to reach out and stroke her cheek. "Hey…I didn't say no. I just said we'll see. Hell, I don't even know what I'm doing next week, let alone next summer." He tried to laugh a little to lighten her mood. He didn't want to spoil their lovely evening. It was the last one he would have until he saw her again. His eyes were reluctant to break their gaze with hers. ...God, she's beautiful... He twirled a loose strand of her hair between his fingers before tucking it behind her ear, his fingers grazing her jaw as they went by. He shook his head lightly, trying to bring himself out of this trance he was in. "Hey – I think I remember I was promised some dessert." He patted his stomach, producing the sound you get when you pat an overripe melon. "I think I may have saved some room – what are we having?"

Jaime grinned slyly. "It's a surprise. Why don't you sit over on the sofa, and I'll bring it over – now close your eyes – and don't open them until I tell you too."

"Why – does it look that bad?" he joked. But inside, he was crawling with anticipation. With his eyes closed, his other senses were working overtime. The sound of soft sultry jazz was still coming from the stereo. He could hear the sound of glass tinkling as Jaime brought over the dessert. He could smell her perfume and feel her skin brush up against his arms as she sat next to him. He thought he could detect the aroma of fruit – berries to be precise.

Jaime picked up a small, ripe raspberry, and brushed the tip of it in the whipped cream. She leaned into Oscar, her shoulders sliding next to his, her face inches away. He could feel the heat of her body radiating onto his, her breath sweeping across his face. "Okay, keep 'em closed. Now, tell me what I've got for you." Her voice was sultry and irresistible. She brought the berry just to his lips, so that they parted slowly to obtain the fruit. As she pulled it slightly away, his tongue began to search for it. Jaime brushed it lightly with the edge of the fruit, just enough to give him a taste before pulling the berry away once again. "Not fast enough Mr. Goldman" she taunted. He opened his eyes.

"That's not fair" he growled in a low voice. He had lost himself in the moment, unable to hear the voice inside his head screaming for him to stop, to be careful, to remember what he had promised himself.

"Okay, I'll let you try again. But this time – don't miss. Close your eyes." Jaime put one end of the small berry in her mouth, and moved in again, resting the edge against his lips. This time, he wasn't going to let it get away. He opened his mouth wide to devour the berry, grasping it in his tongue, and enclosing Jaime's mouth in his own. The sensation was intoxicating. He wrapped one arm around her back, the other pulling her head closer to his, their kiss so full of passion, they were unable to breathe, unable to think, unable to do anything but bask in this one glorious moment.

When Oscar came up for air, his head finally regained control of his body. A look of surprise spread across his face, as if it had been someone else kissing Jaime – not him. "Babe, I'm sorry… I just can't. This is my fault. I should never have let this happen." He stood up and strode across the room, pacing back and forth muttering to himself.

Jaime felt tears welling in her eyes. "But Oscar – why? Nothing is your fault – I wanted this you know. I've wanted this for a long time. I…."

He cut her off mid-sentence. "It's not a matter of wanting…If that was all it was, well, that would be a different situation. I just can't…get involved…It's a long story, but that's the way it has to be. I've just got too much baggage I'm carrying around, and it wouldn't be right to burden you – your life - with all of my problems." It broke his heart to look at her, sitting on the edge of the sofa, wiping the tears from her eyes. He wanted so much to hold her again, to taste her lips on his, to be able to love again, but he just couldn't allow himself that pleasure, that luxury. His guilt wouldn't allow it.

Jaime walked over to stand next to him, sliding her arms around his waist, resting her head on his chest. She knew why he was resisting her, but she had promised Rudy she wouldn't say anything. "Oscar – I don't care about your baggage – I don't care about your story… I just care about you. I think we have a chance to be happy together – I'd at least like to give it a try and see."

He could feel her heart beating rapidly against his chest. It was too much to hold her in his arms, to feel her hair against his face. He reluctantly pulled her away. "I'm sorry, babe, that's just the way it's gotta be. I'd better get going. I've got an early morning tomorrow, and I still haven't checked in my hotel. I had a great time – believe me." He kissed her lightly on the forehead, and without giving her a chance to respond, sprinted towards the stairs and out the door. As he drove away, he felt an unfamiliar sensation in his eyes.


	5. Chapter 5

Chapter 5

They saw each other off an on throughout the rest of the summer and fall – at mission briefings, office meetings and the like. Jaime tried not to let Oscar's rebuff affect their relationship. She knew what was behind it, and she didn't want him to feel uncomfortable around her. So she tried mightily to maintain a casual friendship, though she had to admit to herself, it was a bit more distant than it had been in the past. She consciously tried to avoid lingering embraces, long lunches and daydreams about him. As much as she wanted to be supportive, she had her own heart to worry about as well. The longing she had to be with him just wouldn't subside, and there was no prospect in the near future to give her hope that their relationship would develop any further than it had.

Finally Jaime's semester was over for Christmas vacation, and she was able to once again fly out to Washington. The OSI Christmas party was that night, and she was looking forward to going. Most of the agents that weren't out on missions would be there – even Steve would make it in. She caught an early flight out of Los Angeles so she would have a chance to check in, shower and change before heading over to the party. It was a black tie affair, and Jaime had chosen a stunning cobalt blue dress for the evening - a floor length, off the shoulder soft taffeta dress, fitted to the hips, with a tapered skirt. She curled her hair, then swept it up into a loose knot on the back of her head, using a jeweled comb to hold her hair in place. She had forgotten to bring a necklace, so her neckline was unadorned, but she did have a pair of lovely drop diamond earrings.

Jaime had secretly hoped Oscar would call her and offer to drive her over, since she had hinted as much the last time she spoke to him. Just then, the phone in her hotel rang. Her stomach began to swirl with excitement as she rushed to the phone. "Hello?" she said in a deep, sexy voice. It must be Oscar. She was wrong.

"Hi-ya sweetheart…you must have been expecting me." It was Steve.

"Oh, Steve. Yeah, I heard you were coming. Where are you?" She was glad to hear from Steve. She missed getting to see him, and even though her feelings for him were no longer romantic, she treasured his friendship all the same.

"I'm two floors below you. I was wondering if you'd like to go over together. I rented a car, since I'm gonna be in town a while this time."

Jaime's heart sank. She really was hoping to hear from Oscar, but it was 7:00, and the party started at 8:00. Without an excuse to say no, she took a deep breath and tried to sound convincing. "Sure Steve, I'd love to go over together. What time did you want to come by?"

"How about now? If you're ready. I thought maybe we could stop down by the bar for a drink before we go." Steve knew Jaime didn't remember her feelings for him, but he certainly remembered his feelings for her – and they hadn't changed. He was still madly in love with her. Even though he didn't hold out much hope, he figured it was better to be in her life as a friend than to not be in it at all.

"How about if you come by in 20 minutes - just so I can touch up?"

"Alright, but if I know you, you're gorgeous already."

Jaime hung up the phone, and got her finishing touches ready. Rarely did she wear makeup, but tonight, she splurged with some sultry eye shadow and lip gloss, already accentuating her beautiful features. She tossed a comb and the lip gloss in a gold beaded purse and grabbed her wrap for the evening. It was a shimmery blue and gold gauzy fabric with a blue velvet backing. She had just slid it onto her shoulders, fastening the clasp in the front when there was a knock on her door.

"Wow, you look great" Steve cried, his jaw almost dropping to the floor. It had been awhile since he had seen Jaime last, but it didn't seem that she looked this good.

Jaime blushed slightly at his praise. "You look pretty snazzy yourself Austin. Shall we go?"

As they took the elevator down to the lobby bar, the phone in Jaime's room rang, but even with her bionic hearing, she couldn't hear the call she had been waiting for.

Jaime and Steve made up for lost time, chatting and laughing easily before they left for the party at the St. Regis hotel. Jaime felt like she walking into a palace. The lights inside lit up the windows like they were gleaming gold, their graceful arches dancing with flickering light from inside. They were escorted into the Astor Ballroom, which was adorned with soft, white lights glittering like jewels from the crystal chandeliers and bouncing off the floor to ceiling glass doors which led to the Astor terrace. The music was already playing, couples and friends already out on the dance floor. Steve grabbed two glasses of champagne from a waiter with a silver tray in his hand.

"Here you go my lady…" He made a sweeping bow as he handed her the glass. Jaime giggled at his impersonation. She was having a wonderful time. The last few months had been hard – between missions, teaching, and struggling with her emotions for Oscar. It was nice to just relax and have fun. She couldn't help looking around for Oscar though. He would have to be there - he was the Director after all. She spotted Rudy walk in, and hurried over to greet him.

"Jaime! Wow – you look…great." Rudy couldn't help but be impressed that his surrogate daughter was easily the most beautiful woman in the room. He kissed her lightly on the cheek and looked into her searching eyes. "If I was a jealous man, I think I'd be offended right about now," he joked with her. "Don't worry honey, he'll be here. We got caught in the office as we were trying to leave. He's on his way over - I promise."

Jaime was getting ready to protest that she wasn't looking for Oscar, but she knew better than to try to fool Rudy. "How do you do it Rudy – am I that obvious?" She sighed a little as she wrapped her arms around him, resting her chin on his shoulder. "How about a dance?" she said hopefully.

Rudy took her by the hand out onto the dance floor. It was a lively number, and they laughed as they watched their fellow co-workers showing off their "fancy" footwork. The next song was a slow one, and Rudy took Jaime into his arms, letting her head rest comfortably on his shoulder. He could feel the tension in her body as they moved together, and he suspected he knew the cause. "Oscar still hasn't told you - has he?"

Jaime lifted her head up to meet his eyes. "No, and I've tried, honestly Rudy I've tried. But that man is bottled up so tight, it's a wonder he doesn't explode. I really thought I was getting through to him last summer, but he just…."

"Jaime, I told you it would be difficult to break through to him. That's why I thought you should know in the first place. I didn't want you thinking he didn't care about you. He needs you Jaime, more than you can possibly imagine. Be patient honey."

Usually it was fairly chilly in D.C. at Christmas, but tonight it was still in the 50's. After her dance with Rudy, Jaime grabbed her wrap, pulled it close against her shoulders and walked out to the terrace to look at the fountain. It was absolutely beautiful, and she could see the White House off in the distance. She could still hear the music from inside, though it was muffled by the glass doors and the water babbling from the fountain. Mesmerized by the fountain, she didn't hear the footsteps quietly approaching her from behind. She felt a hand slide around her waist and another one firmly caressing her shoulder through the fabric of her wrap, a soft, tender kiss planted on her cheek. She could feel the warmth of his breath on her skin, see the vapor hanging in the cool night air, reflected in the lights twinkling around the terrace.

Jaime turned to see him, though she recognized him by the electric thrill shooting through her body at his smell, his touch, his presence. "Oscar…you finally decided to show up," she teased.

"I'm sorry babe, I got tied up in a meeting – honest. Rudy too. "

"I know, I'm just teasing. I just saw Rudy. He told me you'd be right over. You look great by the way – very handsome." She rubbed her hands lightly up and down the lapels of his tuxedo, trying to control the urges building inside her. His presence was intoxicating, his chest barely touching hers, his arm still resting lightly on her waist.

"Well, you look pretty…stunning….yourself. But I think….there's something missing. Maybe this will do the trick." Reaching into his pocket, he pulled out a long, gold box with a dark red bow on it, and placed it in her hand. "Merry Christmas babe. I wanted to stop by and give it to you earlier, but when I called your room there was no answer."

Jaime's hands trembled slightly as she removed the lid to the box. Inside was a gold serpentine necklace with an exquisite sapphire and diamond heart pendant. She was stunned, her mouthing gaping slightly at the extremely expensive, extremely personal, extremely romantic gift. She gingerly lifted the necklace out of its box, running it carefully through her fingers. "Oscar, I don't know what to say…"

"You don't have to say anything." He took it from her hands, and leaned into her a bit, draped it against her chest, gently brushing some stray hairs from her throat so he could fasten the clasp behind her neck. "It looks great on you babe." He rested his hands slightly on her shoulders as he stood back to admire it on her. "I know that things between us aren't the way you'd like them to be, but I want you to know how special you are to me." He could see her getting ready to protest, but he gently put his fingers to her lips. "Shhh…let me finish. There's something I'd like to talk to you about – but not here. What time is your flight back tomorrow?"

After much soul searching, Oscar had finally decided that it was time to tell Jaime the truth about his past. While he still couldn't allow himself to entertain the idea of actually having a relationship with her, he felt he owed her an explanation. He found that it was becoming increasingly difficult to resist her. Each time he saw her, he thought of that night, months ago, when he had devoured not only the berry she held in her lips. A smile would cross his face as he allowed himself the guilty pleasure of a happy memory.

It was obvious to Oscar that Jaime cared for him more deeply that he had previously thought, and he couldn't bear for her to think he didn't return those feelings. She seemed to now be keeping her distance from him, and he suspected it was because of his rebuff the night of their dinner. For the last several months he had tried to talk to her about it, but he had chickened out each time. What he couldn't figure out was why he had chickened out. Was it because he thought she would be angry with him for keeping it from her all these years? Maybe it was because he wouldn't be able to handle the look of pity in her eyes. It certainly couldn't be because he was afraid that it might change their relationship, and that she might not look at him with the same desire, embrace him with the same longing, touch him with the same sensuality that he secretly craved...could it?.

"I'm not going back home. Jim and Helen were going to fly out here tomorrow to see Steve for Christmas, so I figured I'd stay here with them. Why, what did you have in mind?" She could feel her heart racing with anticipation.

"Well, I was having some people over to my house for a little Christmas Eve get together. I was wondering if you'd like to come over earlier and have lunch, so we could… talk." His dark eyes were smoldering, and Jaime felt like she could drown in their depths.

She stepped into his embrace, throwing her arms around his neck and kissing him lightly on the lips. "I'd love to. How about if I come by around noon? Are you cooking?" She shot him a playful look, wondering if Oscar could actually even work a stove.

He grinned – Jaime knew him pretty well. "I order really well from the caterer. Hey, these are my friends, and I'd like them to stay that way." He noticed Jaime was starting to shiver. He put his arm around her. "You wanna go in? I'm not a half bad dancer."

Jaime hadn't realized how cold she was getting, and the thought of dancing in Oscar's arms warmed her to the core. "Sure would." They walked in together, Jaime's new gift glittering brightly in the lights of the ballroom. The music was soft and slow, and Oscar gathered her in his arms, grateful that he could hold her the way he longed to – it was a slow dance after all. She was so lithe and graceful, it was if their bodies had melted together and were one form, gliding effortlessly and gracefully across the floor. He reveled in how her lips brushed against his cheek, tickling his ear when she murmured something to him. Her dress was cut low in the back, so his hands rested on her warm skin, caressing her back ever so slightly as he spun and dipped her. Oscar felt a little guilty for sending her somewhat mixed messages, but maybe she would understand tomorrow.

As the song finished, they were both reluctant to leave the dance floor, but Steve had been looking for Jaime and just spotted her. He made his way over and tapped her on the shoulder. "Hey pretty lady, can I have this next dance?" As she turned, he saw the necklace, and a slightly embarrassed look on Jaime's face as her eyes darted from Steve to Oscar and back to Steve. It took him a second to realize who had given her the gift, and he suddenly felt like an intruder.

Jaime quickly averted any further awkwardness by taking Steve's hand. "Sure can. Are you up to me tonight?"

Oscar quickly added, "Steve, I'm having a party at my house tomorrow around 7:00 – would you like to come? Bring Jim and Helen if they're in." Oscar knew Steve still had feelings for Jaime, and he felt a little uneasy at Steve having seen them dancing so closely. He didn't want to lose Steve as a friend.

Steve grinned. "Are you cooking?"

Oscar just laughed. "What's this a conspiracy? Neither of you seems to have much faith in me. And no, by the way I'm not – so will I see you there?"

"Sure. Thanks Oscar." Steve smiled, and led Jaime out to dance. Neither one spoke right away, not knowing what to say. Just as Jaime was about to start, Steve jumped in. "Nice necklace."

Jaime blushed little bit, fingering the pendant lightly. "Yes, it is. He should never have…."

"Hey sweetheart, I was just ribbing you a little bit. I just didn't know you and Oscar were an item." He had to admit he was jealous. He knew that Jaime didn't remember their lives together before the accident, but they had been pretty close after the accident, and Steve had hoped that maybe her love for him would be rekindled on its own. But looking in her eyes, holding her now, he knew that it just hadn't happened. He knew that look – it just wasn't for him.

Jaime pulled back from his arms. "We're NOT an item - honestly." She could see that Steve was looking right through her – that he knew how she felt. He didn't deserve to be toyed with. She respected him too much for that. "I mean, I don't think he feels that way about me. I wish he did." She could see the look of sorrow and dejection in Steve's eyes upon hearing her words. "I'm sorry Steve. I know you still care about me, and I love you as a friend, but my feelings just aren't what you want them to be."

He swept her back into his arms. "I know, and there's no need to apologize. It's not your fault – it's no one's fault. I just want you to know that I'm always here for you. I'm sorry about Oscar – really. I know what it's like to love someone who's not in love with you." His eyes bore through her like a laser, and Jaime winced almost as if a real laser beam had cut right through her.

"So this is how you've been feeling all this time?"

"Pretty much. But hey, let's talk about something else. Mom and dad will be here tomorrow – you think I ought to bring them over to Oscar's?"

"Sure, I really think they'll have a great time."

The party began to wind down, and everyone said their goodbyes. Oscar had hoped to squeeze in one more dance with Jaime, but duty called and he had to make the rounds, visiting with all of his agents and their spouses or dates. He looked wistfully at Jaime and whispered, "see you tomorrow babe," as she was walking out with Steve. She smiled at him and nodded, discreetly blowing him a kiss as she left. Oscar felt a little envious of Steve – he was so free and easy with Jaime.


	6. Chapter 6

Chapter 6

The next day was Christmas Eve. Jaime kept watching the clock in her room waiting until it was time to go catch a cab to Oscar's house. She made sure to wear his gift – in fact she had never taken it off the night before. It was if his heart was pressed next to hers, and it gave her a sense of comfort to wear it.

Jaime had brought Oscar a present as well. She had knitted him an Irish fisherman's sweater. She had guessed at his size, sneaking a peak inside on of his shirts he had left lying around after a mission last year. It had taken her a few months to find the wool and learn the stitches, but the result pleased her. She hadn't thought about taking it to him last night - it wasn't exactly something she could have slipped into her purse. Jaime grabbed the gift and darted to the lobby and out the front door right at 11:45. Within 15 minutes to the second she was at Oscar's home.

Walking up the driveway to the large black front door, she rapped hard on the door with the knocker. It made her nervous to think that she had been here once before. She brought the gift from behind her back as he opened the door. "Merry Christmas, Oscar." She stepped inside quickly to get out of the cold. The wind was picking up, making the somewhat balmy December weather a bit more intolerable.

He stared at the elegantly wrapped box - he hadn't expected this as he and Jaime didn't usually exchange gifts. "You didn't have to buy me something babe." Oscar found himself a little tongue tied and unable to move.

Jaime ran her hand up his back supportively. "I didn't buy it – I made it. Go ahead – it won't bite – open it." Jaime walked with him into his living room and sat down on the oversized leather sofa. She liked his house. It was very manly and dark, but had a warm, comfortable feel about it.

Oscar tentatively slid the ribbon off the package and unwrapped the green paper from the box. He lifted the lid and took out the sweater. "You made this? For me?" His heart was touched. He had never received such a thoughtful gift. He looked at Jaime sitting next to him. What had he done to deserve the love of such a woman?

Jaime smiled. She knew by the look on his face that he truly liked his gift, and piped in, "See, I used four stitches: the honeycomb stitch for hard work; the diamond stitch for success, the cable stitch for good luck, and the basket stitch for…hope." She lingered on the word 'hope' as her eyes, full of it, looked into his. "I hope it fits you."

Oscar quickly slipped it over his head. It was a perfect fit. "Thanks babe. I love it. Really." He could feel a lump rising in his throat, the anxiety over their lunch discussion was beginning to overwhelm him. He could see Jaime's eyes scanning the room, looking for information, clues into his past, clues into his existence. She was a trained agent – and a damned good one. He knew it wouldn't take her long to notice the pictures on the piano. He watched her as she walked over to the piano to pick up the picture of his wife.

Jaime sensed that Oscar was waiting for her to make the first move. It was going to be hard to feign ignorance, but she was going to do her damndest. "Who's this?" she said, feigning curiosity. She wanted to put some distance between herself and Oscar, for his sake. Her heart ached for him, knowing how difficult this was going to be – for both of them.

Oscar swallowed hard. "My wife."

"Your what?!" Jaime said softly.

Oscar walked over to the other side of the piano and picked up the pictures of his children, tears welling up in the corners of his eyes. "That's Suzanne, and these are my kids – Rose and Sam." He could see Jaime's jaw drop. It wasn't all a ruse, she found it hard to fathom the words now that they were coming from his lips and not Rudy's. They seemed all the more real, raw and filled with sorrow.

"Where are they now? I mean, I've never heard you mention them." Jaime hated to force him into this corner, but they might as well get to it.

"They're dead. It'll be 13 years this June." Jaime was silent, forcing Oscar to continue. She sat back on the sofa, watching Oscar pace back and forth in front of her. "We had gone up to Maine for a little vacation. Suzanne and I were…well…we were having some problems, and I wanted to try to work it out, but I think she had had enough of Oscar Goldman – OSI. We weren't up there two days and we had a big fight. She took Rose and Sam, got on our boat and left. I ran after her, begging her to stay, but it was too late. The boat exploded. By the time I got there, there was nothing I could do." His voice was a hoarse whisper, choked back by the tears flowing from his eyes and sobs pushing up from his chest. Jaime walked over to him and wrapped him protectively in her arms, trying to keep him safe from himself and his past – to make his troubles and guilty memories disappear.

He was such a powerful man – in presence and in body, but now, to see him like this, he seemed like a little boy who just needed to be cared for, to be loved. Jaime's emotions had gotten the best of her, and she found herself fighting back a torrent of tears. It was too much to contemplate that three such bright lives had been snuffed out with such callous indifference, leaving behind the tattered shell of the man that was once Oscar Goldman. A man capable of such emotion, such tenderness and caring now relegated to a shadow of his former self, unable to pull himself out of the depths of his guilt and despair.

Jaime resisted the urge to say anything, feeling like there was more Oscar wanted to say. She took his hand tenderly in hers, and led him back to the sofa. "It took Jack Hansen two days to find the bodies. He and Suzanne had been college sweethearts, and he took her death pretty hard too. He pretty much laid the blame at my feet, implying that the Asian splinter group that had threatened me earlier was most likely behind the explosion."

It was the first time he had talked about his family in more than a decade. Being such a strong, private man, Oscar never wanted to burden anyone with his feelings of grief and anguish. It seemed to him to be a sign of weakness, and he had never allowed himself to grow close enough to someone to let them see his vulnerability. The old wounds hadn't healed, and it hurt Oscar deeply to relive the events of that fateful day. But with Jaime, he felt his heart would be safe. She wouldn't see him as weak.

He took her hands in his, caressing them gently. Jaime patted his hands lightly, dipping her head to look up into his downcast eyes. "Oh, Oscar…I'm so sorry. I just can't imagine what you've been through. What were they like? Would you like to talk about them?"

Oscar surprised even himself when he began talking about Suzanne, Sam and Rose. It was almost cathartic. He even dragged out a large family photo album. Jaime sat next to him, leaning slightly against his chest for comfort as she looked at the pictures of a once vibrant, happy family. Even though Oscar was right next to her, he was miles away – back at his house in Maine, more than twelve years in the past. He told her about how he had met Suzanne at a State Department function. She was still dating Jack Hansen at the time, but soon fell in love with the dashing young OSI man. Oscar recalled the day he first found out he was going to be a father – of twins, how nervous he had been at first that he would break them. "They were such bright, happy kids. I loved coming home, having them run up to meet me at the door. I'd sweep one into each arm and tickle them….And I played a pretty mean game of hide and seek – all my training you know."

Jaime could see the wistful look in his eyes. "They always felt safe in my arms. They knew daddy would never let anything happen to them. That I'd always be there for them." Jaime had to use her bionic ear to hear his last words, they were almost inaudible. She leaned in to hug him, resting her chin on his shoulder.

"Oh, Oscar…" she said soothingly as she gently rubbed his back, feeling his body heave each time he choked back the tears. They sat there in each other's embrace for what seemed like an eternity. The tension that had been building in him over the last several months was finally diminishing, melting away as Jaime held him in her arms. It felt so good to feel tenderness and compassion again.

Pulling his head away, he looked into Jaime's eyes, his face inches from hers. The urge to kiss her, to allow her to kiss him was overpowering. He could feel the years of defenses crumbling around him, and he suddenly felt very exposed, very vulnerable. Jaime had begun to unlock his heart and he hadn't even realized he had given her the key. This concerned him and his mind drifted back to his family.

"So…I guess I wasn't much of a father…When my kids needed me most, I wasn't there for them...Now do you see why I can't get involved with you?... I'd be hazardous to your health." His voice was filled with sadness, and tinged with bitterness.

"Actually, I don't see. I mean, I understand that they'll always be a part of your life, a part of your past. But that shouldn't mean that you don't get a present – that you have to punish yourself for the rest of your life. It won't change anything –it won't bring them back."

"But Jaime…"

Jaime interrupted him, and continued. "It's not as if I don't live with danger every day anyway – it's not like I hear you saying you're afraid to be with _me_ because of the danger I could put _you_ in. Well, I'm willing to take that chance – and that's _my_ decision to make. " Jaime was desperate to make Oscar see her point of view – to open up to her . She could feel the muscles in her neck tightening from the stress. It was exhausting her emotionally to be on this rollercoaster ride with her feelings – she couldn't even imagine what it must be like for Oscar.

He shook his head. "No, Jaime. It just has to be this way. I'd never forgive myself if something happened to you because of me. It's bad enough that I have to send you out on missions, never knowing if I'll ever see you again. I don't know how I've made it these last twelve years, but it would kill me if it happened again." He could see her eyes misting over, their rims reddened, her lips and chin quivering, and it made his heart ache for her. "Babe, I want you to be happy, and I just don't think that it would work between us. You know how much I care about you though – don't you? If I didn't, this wouldn't be so hard."

Jaime nodded. She had enough for one day – and she was sure Oscar had. There was going to be no breakthrough today, but Jaime felt like she had made a start. At least his secret was out in the open between them now. That was something. "Okay – for now." She couldn't help adding in the last bit of hope.

It was 6:00, and his guests would be arriving soon. Jaime offered her help with the last minute details, which Oscar gratefully agreed to accept. The party went off without a hitch. Everyone had a great time, and Jaime enjoyed being able to play the surrogate hostess. A sense of comfort swept over Oscar as he watched her flowing around the house with ease and grace. It was as if she was meant to be there. It had been so long since a woman had been in the house. Oscar rarely had people over, and he didn't like the way he rattled around in the cavernous home all alone – except for Kitty. But it had been his children's only home, and he couldn't bring himself to sell it. He liked going up to their rooms – sometimes just to sit. It was all he had left of them - besides his memories.

It was just past midnight when the party started to wind down. Steve and his parents waited for Jaime out in the car while she said goodbye to Oscar. Most of the guests had left by now –it was now actually Christmas Day. She found Oscar in the study, showing Russ and Rudy a model of one of the ships he had served on early in his career. It was nice to hear him laugh – he had such a deep, resonant voice, and when accompanied by that flashy white smile, it was a devastating combination. She knocked softly on the door. "Oscar, I just wanted to thank you for a lovely evening. Russ, Rudy, Merry Christmas." She walked over to give Russ and Rudy a quick hug and she turned to walk out the door. Oscar excused himself to see her out. He rested his hand lightly on her shoulder and turned his head to kiss her on the cheek, just as she turned hers to kiss his cheek. Instead, their lips met, sweetly savoring the unexpected surprise. They looked at each other for a moment, unable to deny the chemistry between them. "Merry Christmas babe," Oscar said with a smile.

"Merry Christmas Oscar…. I love you." She smiled as she looked back over her shoulder as she raced for the safety of the car.


	7. Chapter 7

Chapter 7

The next several months dragged by for Jaime. Oscar hadn't called her for a single mission, and the principal's second year hadn't been much better than her first. She was really hoping to get an assignment outside the classroom, but wondered if Oscar's feelings for her kept him from putting her in harm's way. She had seen him only twice since Christmas – once when he flew out to L.A. to give Steve a mission, and once when she had flow into Washington for a checkup.

She had just pulled into her driveway, when Helen came running out of the house. "Oh Jaime, I'm glad you're here. I tried calling you at the school, but you'd already left. Oscar just called – sounded pretty stressed. He's on his way over – he'll be in here in a half hour. He wants you packed and ready to go."

"Where? What's this all about? Helen..."

"He said you're catching a flight out to the Philippines tonight. That's all I know. Come on honey, I'll help you pack." Jaime and Helen ran upstairs to throw together a few things for her trip. Jaime hated it when Oscar gave her no notice. The Philippines? What was she going to be doing in the Philippines? Was she going to be there a day, a month – what? It was June, so it should be hot and steamy. She packed plenty of lightweight clothing, hats and sunscreen and even threw in a swimsuit, wishfully thinking this was a surprise vacation. Just as she finished, Oscar's car pulled up. He dispensed with his usual pleasantries, whisking Jaime into the back seat of his limo, luggage and all.

Any hope she had that this trip was for pleasure and not business dissipated when she saw the look on Oscar's face. Never before had she seen such a look of terror in his eyes. He sent the driver speeding back to LAX as he quickly filled Jaime in on their mission.

"I'm sorry to do this to you babe, I know how you hate it when I give you such short notice, but this is a real emergency. One of the French government's scientific submarines went 'missing' yesterday and several members of the crew were found floating off the shores of Taiwan. The sub was last seen prowling the waters off the coast of China."

"A scientific submarine?" Not that she wasn't concerned, but this didn't seem to necessitate such top security operations.

"It wasn't exactly JUST a scientific submarine…It was secretly equipped with a small nuclear reactor and torpedo tubes." Oscar could see the look of incredulity on Jaime's face. "We suspect a group of Russian terrorists has hijacked it, and plan to use the warheads on board to fire at Vietnam." He could see he had her attention when all the color drained from her face as she began to comprehend the situation. "Jaime, do you know what could happen if the Vietnamese think the French have fired on them? I can't even begin to contemplate the repercussions – the Chinese would retaliate...maybe even the Russians."

Oscar's plane was already fueled and ready to go when they arrived on the tarmac. Jaime grabbed her bags. "Wish me luck Oscar. I'll call you when I get there." She went to kiss him good bye, but saw he had two bags in his hands and was walking towards the plane.

"You don't think I'm sending you in there alone do you?" he grinned. "You got a partner on this one babe." Oscar had never actually accompanied Jaime on a mission before. Sure, he had traveled with her back and forth, he had even aided her in capturing the suspect, but this was the first time they would be a team.

Once they had settled in and the plane had taken off, Jaime wanted to find out more about what was going on. "Oscar, I don't understand. Why doesn't the military just find the sub and blow it up before they fire the warheads?"

"Well, three reasons. First, we need to find out who is behind this one, and we can't do that if all the evidence is destroyed. Second, because we would likely detonate the warheads in the process. You can't just blow up an nuclear sub - the fallout would destroy everything around it. Third, we're not even sure where it is. That's what you and I are going to find out. I've just been on the phone with a special committee of ambassadors and admirals from the US, Britain, and France, and we all agreed this was the only way. I'd have Steve join us too, but he's up in space for the next six days, and there's no way to get him back."

Jaime was trying to digest all of this information, but a terrible feeling of dread was already in her stomach. "So, why are you coming with me? I mean, you never have before? This isn't because of…well, your feelings for me is it?"

"Babe, you know how I feel about you, but no, it's not because of that. I just happen to be quite an expert in the area of nuclear submarines. In fact, I was one of the engineers that helped design the submarine in the first place – a Franco-American venture. So, while you may be the brawn on this mission, I my dear, am the brains." Oscar couldn't resist running his hand along her cheek, stroking her hair as he pushed it away from her face. He had thought about what she had said to him at his Christmas party – he couldn't get it out of his mind.

"So if they don't know where to find the sub – how are we supposed to find it? How are we supposed to get on board? And how are we supposed to get off without getting ourselves killed in the process?" Jaime had been on many dangerous missions before, but this one seemed doomed from the start, yet the stakes had never been so high.

Oscar pulled out a pile of maps and other assorted papers, spreading them on the briefcase on his lap. The plane didn't exactly offer a lot of space to plan a mission. He laid a photo in front of Jaime. "I have a source that has well, shall we say, a questionable reputation, that says they've been spotted pulling into the Manila harbor. We suspect this man, Alexi Pushkin, is behind the operation. I've run into him before. He's ruthless, and we believe well armed. We don't think that he's on the submarine – just organizing and financing the operation. He's got some defense contracts with the Soviet government and could be a very rich man if open hostilities broke out."

He pulled out a manila folder containing the dossier of yet another man – Leonid Chekov. "This is the man we think is actually running the operation. We suspect he has a team of operatives in Manila as we speak. Our guess is that they're looking for supplies and possibly some more manpower before they leave port and cross the South China Sea. Once they get out in open water, we'll never find them in time. So, we've got to find them – soon."

Jaime hadn't realized they had been flying for so long that it was past midnight. They wouldn't arrive in Manila until noon. Oscar found her a blanket and draped it over her, kissing her on the forehead. "Get some rest babe – we're gonna need it." He turned out the lights in the cabin and leaned back in the chair next to her, closing his eyes to get the last rest he might have in days. He could feel Jaime take his hand in hers, turning on her side to face him in the darkness. Her soft, gentle touch exciting him and relaxing him all at once. He took a deep breath, steeling his resistance to her and went to sleep by her side.


	8. Chapter 8

Chapter 8

Jaime and Oscar had been awake for several hours by the time the plane landed in Manila. Oscar's contact, Manuelo, had met them at the airport so he could show them where they were staying for the night, and to fill them in on the latest details. He led them to a small village on the outskirts of the city overlooking Manila harbor where he informed them that Leonid Chekov was indeed the man they were looking for. They quickly dropped their bags and hit the streets of Manila in search of their prey. Manuelo was going to take the waterfront while Oscar and Jaime took the market district. After what seemed like hours, Jaime thought she spotted Chekov at a vendor stand with another man, and distinctly heard them speaking Russian to one another. Her Russian was rusty at best, but it was good enough to get by. "Oscar. Over there – I think I got him. I'll follow him, and meet you back at the villa." Oscar reluctantly agreed. He needed to make sure Manuelo was able to contact him, but he watched with trepidation as Jaime ran off through the streets of Manila and disappeared from view.

The villa they were staying it was spartan, but clean. It had a tin roof with clean, thick cotton rugs covering the raised wooden floors. There were no panes in the windows, so the fresh tropical breezes could blow in cool air coming off the water. The large porch had an awning hanging over it to protect the villa from torrential downpours. In the living room there was a wooden framed sofa with plush looking cushions in bright colors on top of it. The bedroom had a large bed with netting draped over the sides, the breeze gently wafting the fabric back and forth.

It was starting to rain as Oscar made his way back to their lodging. There was a knock at the door and Oscar jumped - hoping he would see Jaime standing there with Chekov in her hands. He tried to suppress his disappointment when it was only Manuelo, who had come to report that he had found out the sub was indeed lurking somewhere in Manila bay, but he hadn't found any of the men. However, he had discovered that the men had chartered a boat to take them out at 5:30 the next morning. Oscar decided that their best chance was for them to take the men on the boat by surprise. The men on the sub wouldn't suspect anything when the boat arrived, and that would be their best chance to get in. He thanked Manuelo and set about the tedious job of waiting for Jaime.

It was just after 8:00, and still there was no word from her. She should have been back hours ago. The rain was beating down hard against the tin roof, each drop sounding like bullets were raining down instead of water. With each 'plink-plink-plink' Oscar's panic increased exponentially. Where was she? He jumped at each noise he heard, his heart rising with hope that Jaime had returned safely. He tried to focus on some intelligence reports, anything he could do to keep his mind off of Jaime's absence. He paced back and forth like a caged tiger, desperate for a means of escape from his confinement. He watched the hands on the clock tick slowly by, mocking him with their snail's pace. The rain was driving down even harder now, the noise deafening him, the beat drumming it's way into his brain.

He finally decided he couldn't stand it any longer and was about to go out after her when a huge explosion rocked the building. He looked out the side window and could see flames shooting up into the sky from an abandoned warehouse a few blocks away. The sense of dread he had felt since they arrived in Manila had now overwhelmed him. He had lost his wife and children and an explosion, and now he had lost Jaime. Shaking uncontrollably, he summoned enough strength and coordination to turn the door knob to go out and see if there was anything left of Jaime Sommers.

Jaime had followed Chekov clear across town. She had waited patiently for his men to return to discuss their plans. Finally, they went over the details for the next day. Manuelo was right- they had chartered a boat to take them across Manila Bay to their waiting submarine. Thanks to her bionic hearing, she was even able to obtain the password. Once she was convinced she had all the information she needed, she headed back. Oscar would be worried by now, and they still needed time to go over their plan for the morning. She passed by the building right before it exploded. Flames were leaping from the windows, apparently the fire had started when some chemicals which had been illegally stored in the back room were inadvertently ignited. Nothing sinister, but a disastrous mistake. Jaime had stopped to help get some people out of the building and luckily no one was hurt. She was soaked, having run more than two miles back through a thunderstorm.

She was putting her hand on the knob of the door to open it when it appeared to open on its own. Before she even got a step inside, Oscar swept her into his arms and pulled her in, covering her head, neck and lips in quick, urgent kisses.

"Oh babe, I heard the explosion…I thought…Thank God you're safe." Before Jaime could respond, Oscar began passionately kissing her, his lips enveloping hers, as he ran his hands firmly, almost frantically over her body. Finally, after many years of waiting, of longing, his heart had won out over his head. Jaime felt dizzy from the desire that had so rapidly built up inside her. She felt like she would explode with love for this man. Desperately, she pulled his shirt over his head as he unbuttoned her blouse, sliding the fabric briskly from her shoulders. They quickly removed the rest of each other's clothing, falling to the floor in each other's arms.

Jaime reveled in the sensation of her naked body pressed against Oscar's. Their flesh seemed to meld together until they were one. She had wanted this for so long, the aching desire was finally to be satiated. The rhythmic beat of the rain, falling hard and fast, kept time with their love making -the steamy tropic air was no match for the heat generated between them.

Oscar couldn't believe how right it felt to make love to her. The way her body fit with his, the way she moved in time with him, it was if they were made to be together. He delighted in hearing her soft moans as he moved his body against hers, feeling her hips arch towards him, deepening the contact between them as they reached a blissful release.

They lay there, Jaime's legs entwined with his, her arm draped across his chest, basking in their love for one another. Oscar ran his hand lightly across Jaime's side, watching her squirm ever so slightly when he would graze a particularly sensitive spot. Her smile was so natural, so sweet, he couldn't imagine how he had been able to resist her for so long. "You know babe" he said as he pulled her off of the floor and onto his chest, "I love you." He darted in for a quick, playful kiss.

Jaime smiled tenderly, caressing the side of his face with her palm. "I know you do – it took you long enough to realize it though. Just look at what all you've been missing – you silly, silly man." She reached down to stroke his leg, running her hand up his thigh and across his lower abdomen before sliding it up around his neck. He gasped at her touch, and grabbed her hand.

"Are you trying to kill me? A man can only take so much," he growled sensually. "I'm sorry it took me so long to come to my senses. I guess the thought of losing you made me realize how much you mean to me."

"Well," she said as she playfully stroked the dark hairs on his chest, "you were DEFINITELY worth the wait."

The both knew what was looming before them, but it seemed like an eternity away. Oscar showered and put on a pair of boxers – it wouldn't do to have Manuelo stop by with them in their current state of undress. When Jaime finished her shower, Oscar was already in bed waiting for her, reading Chekov's dossier and going over last minute details for tomorrow. Oscar dropped his papers on the floor when he saw her. She had slicked her wet hair neatly behind her shoulders, and had put on a very delicate white silk negligee with thin straps and a plunging neckline. Oscar could barely breathe as he noticed how it clung ever so slightly to her damp body.

She teasingly sat down on the edge of the bed next to him, leaning over to pick up the papers he had dropped. "Weren't you looking at these?" she asked in a sultry voice.

"Uh…no…as a matter of fact, I think there's something else I'd rather be looking at….You are going to be the death of me you know," he said as he took her in his arms again. Jaime felt a little guilty. She had intentionally brought along the negligee in hopes that this was to be a vacation rather than a business trip. Now with the mission only a few hours off, she knew they were really better of sleeping, but she just couldn't get enough of him.

Oscar slowly slid the straps of her negligee from her shoulders, kissing the cool wet skin as he laid it bare.

While their first time together had been full of desperate passion, Oscar moved more slowly, almost teasingly this time. His kisses were tender as he explored her curves and hollows, each flick of his tongue sending shivers of desire throughout her body. He carefully slid off the negligee, letting the silk fabric slide across her chest and abdomen as he deftly discarded it on the ground. Oscar smiled as Jaime grabbed his hips and pulled them close to her.

"Uh, nuh…not so fast…" he growled sensually as he pulled away from her. "You started this…and I'm gonna finish it." He sat up to get a better look at her. Her face was flushed as she luxuriated in his touch, the feather like strokes from his fingers exciting her almost to the point of ecstasy.

"Please, baby, I need you…now," she murmered hoarsely in his ear, her breath uneven from the gasps coursing through her body. She ran her hands up the back of his thighs, once more attempting to pull him into her. This time, Oscar did not deny her, as he made them one. Jaime was again left breathless. Never before had she been so overpowered by such a pleasurable sensation.

"Alright Miss Sommers. As much as I hate to admit it, I NEED to get some sleep. I haven't had this much…excitement…in, well…ever." Jaime snuggled up against Oscar's chest, luxuriating in the safe haven of his arms.


	9. Chapter 9

Chapter 9

The alarm ran unmercifully at 4:00. Jaime and Oscar unenthusiastically got dressed, packed their gear and headed for the port. The sun was just peeking above the horizon when they got there. The storm had passed, but the air was still wet and warm. Jaime could feel a gentle breeze blow in from the bay. Kneeling behind some barrels on the dock, they waited for Chekov and his men.

It wasn't long before they heard noises at the far end of the port. It looked like there were about half a dozen men. Oscar assumed the rest of the crew must still be on the submarine. They waited until the men were upon them before they struck. The element of surprise was with Jaime and Oscar – and her bionics. Oscar swung at Chekov with his right fist, catching him by surprise. It knocked him off his feet and into one of his friends, who was catapulted off the dock into the Bay. Jaime had already dispatched of two of the men. Chekov struggled to his feet, only to meet Oscar's left fist, falling back again into a pile of stacked oil barrels. One of the barrels pinned him to the dock, eliminating any chance of escape. Oscar grabbed one of the last two men as Jaime worked on the final one. Within a half hour, they had rounded them up, presenting them to Manuelo to hand over to the authorities.

The captain of the boat finally arrived, surprised to find a change of passengers. However, for the right price, he was willing to take Jaime and Oscar to the point the men had specified when they hired him. As the approached the area, they could just see the top of the submarine peeking out of the water's surface. They left the safety of the boat and knocked on the hatch, calling out the password, to gain entrance.

Oscar went first, figuring to attract less attention than a leggy blonde. One well placed kick in the chest knocked their greeter to the bottom of the engine compartment. They had no idea how many men were on board, or where they were located. An overwhelming stench greeted them as they descended the ladder into the compartment. Jaime noticed a great deal of blood splattered about the room, and sadly realized it must be from the French crew. Everything was covered in a layer of grime, though it was difficult to see it in the cold, bleak light. Within minutes, Jaime began to feel claustrophobia set in. The ceiling was low, pipes hanging overhead and the windowless walls made the submarine feel more and more like a coffin.

Oscar had briefed Jaime on the basic layout of the submarine. They slowly crept through the maneuvering room in an attempt to get to the nuclear reactor. It needed to be sealed to prevent any radiation leakage in case the terrorists attempted to sabotage the submarine. Jaime picked up something coming from at the other end of the maneuvering room. One of Chekov's men had heard them and had called forward to the control room alerting them that intruders were on board. They could hear the ship's engines start as they got underway. This turn of events was unfortunate, as it was taking them further from shore and closer to the South China Sea.

The door into the nuclear reactor compartment was blocked by two men, brandishing what looked to be crowbars. Jaime wanted to just jump over them and dash to the door, but the ceiling was too low. Instead, she tried to dart around them, without any luck. The largest one swung the bar at her head. She blocked the blow, causing it to glance off her right arm. Stepping back, he managed to grab Jaime by the left arm and sling her around into some radio equipment, knocking her a bit senseless. With her head still spinning, she struggled to her feet to have another go at her attacker. The large, brutish man was surprised that someone as slight as Jaime could put up such a fight. Sighing heavily, he prepared for the next round. This time, she was ready for him. As her struck out with his right fist, Jaime ducked, causing him to lose his balance, and fall into a control panel – unconscious.

Meanwhile, Oscar was locked in combat with the second man. The tall, lanky Russian put up quite a struggle, catching Oscar's jaw with a right hook before taking a left jab to the ribs, the cracking sound alerting him to the fact that several of his ribs had been broken. The man stumbled back towards the crow bar which he'd dropped during the struggle, only to have another blow from Oscar send him flying face first to the floor.

Oscar stepped over his body to get back to Jaime. Her lip had been bloodied, but otherwise she appeared to be fine. "This way," he motioned as he led her by the elbow towards the nuclear reactor compartment. However, the man Oscar had been dealing with had disappeared. They looked around for him, and noticed the door to the reactor had been left ajar. As they ran into the room, red strobe lights pulsed off and on, and a siren bleated it's warning.

Jaime's heart sank as she saw Oscar's face. It had gone completely white, his jaw slack, his eyes fixed in a glassy stare. They were completely alone. The man must have fled through the far door into the forward quarters of the ship. There was no telling how many men were on the other side, and Oscar wasn't sure even Jaime would be handle all of them. Jaime twisted the handle of the door, so that there would no chance of them having any surprise visitors. She turned back to Oscar.

"So…what do we do now?" Concern had now blossomed into full fledged panic, and Jaime struggled to keep the quivering in her chin and the trembling in her voice from betraying her sense of dread.

Oscar's mind was racing to find a plan – to think back to his days on the nuclear sub – to come up with an alternative other than the one staring him in the face. "Jaime, he's started up the nuclear reactor and someone's entered the launch code sequence. Once the reactor is at full strength, the warheads will launch."

"So, can't you just turn it off?" Jaime didn't like the look on Oscar's face. It frightened her. Something else was wrong – she could just feel it.

"Two problems with that. One, you can't just turn it off. There is a very specific sequence of steps that must be followed. I can't power it off until it completely powers up in the first place, which takes about 15 minutes. Once it's up, I'll have about 90 seconds to stop the launch sequence – if the steps the admiral gave me haven't been overridden."

He hesitated, taking Jaime's hands tenderly in his own, looking her in the eyes. "And two, the lights and siren indicate an imminent core breach. They must have overloaded the system or something. I don't know what happened, but I don't have time to find out." He could see the bewildered look in Jaime's eyes. "It'll breach in about 15 minutes – once the reactor is at full power." He paused for a moment to let Jaime digest what he was saying.

She looked furiously in his eyes, searching for the meaning behind his words. Terror gripped her as she thought through the timing of the events that loomed before them. "No. There has to be another way. Can't we just disarm the warheads before the system powers up? Isn't that why you brought me here? Let me do my job!" She was almost screaming, trying to drown out the voices in her head.

"Babe, there's no time. The warheads are in the forward part of the ship. You'd have to get through that door – and there's no telling how many men are there. We can't risk it. Besides, it would take too long to disarm all the warheads. You might get one or two, but even you can't get all of them. This is the only way." He kissed her on the forehead. "Babe, you've done your job. I told you, you were the brawn on this one. You got me here. Now let me do my job. I know the sequence – I can stop the launch. But I've got to get you outta here before the core ruptures. All the radiation suits are in dry storage – two compartments up." Oscar could barely stand to watch her as she grasped the implications of his performing the work without the protection of the radiation suit.

"No way. There's no way I'm leaving here without you." Jaime wrapped her arms around his waist, burying her head against his chest. "We're a team – we're in this together." She couldn't stand the thought of abandoning Oscar now. There had to be some other way.

Oscar ran back to the engine compartment to get Jaime out through the hatch, but was alarmed when he saw the reading on the depth gauge. "Oh no…" He hadn't planned on this.

"What? Oscar…you're scaring me." Jaime needed his strength now, for hers was gone.

"When they started the engines, they sent us into a dive. We're at about 300 meters right now. We'll never be able to open the hatch at this depth." He smiled bitterly as he reached out to touch her, "Not even with your bionic arm."

"So bring us up, and then we'll get out." Even as she spoke the words, Jaime had an ominous feeling in her soul.

"I can't. The control room is the very front part of the ship. We don't have time to try to make our way up there. I have got to disarm those warheads first – and get you out of here…"

He desperately tried to think of a way to get Jaime out of there, and suddenly he remembered something. "The torpedo tube. I can get you out in a torpedo tube. There's a small one in this compartment. I can use a lower pressure to release it, which should be slow enough that it doesn't rip you apart before you get to the surface. At least it's a chance."

He could see her getting ready to protest, and reached out to stroke her face with his palm. "Jaime, please. I've already lost my wife and kids. I'll never get over the guilt that I wasn't there for them. Don't make me have to live the last few minutes of my life knowing that you died too – because of me." His heart was beating so hard he thought he would pass out. He couldn't believe it had come down to this. At least he could redeem himself. He could save Jaime. "I never thought I would be able to love someone again. But you never gave up on me, and I'll be eternally grateful. These past few years…knowing you…I was living in darkness until you came along."

His eyes were brimming with tears, matching the ones in Jaime's eyes. She couldn't breathe between the sobs. She tried to speak, but her voice was a mere whisper. She knew she had to go. If something were to happen to her, Oscar's life would be over anyway. He would never be able to live with a second accident. She couldn't believe the sacrifice he was making for her – for the world. They might both be able to escape together, but then the warheads would be launched, and if the core was breached, there was no telling how much damage could be done to the surrounding area.

"Oh Oscar – I don't know what I'll do without you. Promise me once you stop the launch you'll try to get out." She was bordering on hysteria as she choked out the words. Grasping his face in her hands, her eyes boring a hole through his, she repeated herself. "Promise me!"

"I promise." This was an empty promise, but maybe it would give her enough hope that she would go. His knees threatened to buckle under the crushing weight of his grief, yet he steeled himself as best he could. If he crumbled now, he would take her down with him, and that was unfathomable to him. Her limp body tagged along behind him in an almost automated fashion until they reached the hatch. He spun the wheel to open the tube, and tried to regain control of his voice. He still had a job to do. "As soon as the outer hatch opens, the tube will fill with water. Two seconds later, you'll be launched. Just hold your breath. We're not a crush depth yet, but you'll feel like you are. Don't panic. It won't take long to get to the surface."

He could see the tears streaming down her face, and though he tried, he could no longer contain his own. After more than a decade he had finally found love again, only to have it ripped away from him without time to fully savor it's delights.

Jaime could feel Oscar's hands on her body, trying to fit her into the tube, but her body was only an empty container now, for her heart was with Oscar. "I'm not ready…we need more time." She frantically kissed his face, clutching him to her chest, her tears drenching his shirt. She pulled back from him to study his face, her hands covering every inch of him as she tried to take him all in, to create a memory that would last forever. "I love you."

He cradled her in his arms the way he had longed to for years, rocking her gently as he kissed her head. "I know babe, I know." With a sense of finality, he guided her into the tube and kissed her one last time as he shut the door. "Good bye babe – I love you too."

He could barely see to start the tube's launch sequence, the tears were streaming down his face. He loved Jaime more than he ever thought possible – even more than Suzanne. At least she would make it. He convinced himself of that. He smiled as he heard the 'whoosh' of the launch, knowing Jaime was speeding to the surface – and to safety.

The change in pitch of the siren and the strobe light's pattern told Oscar that the core had now been breached. He hoped he would be able to withstand the radiation long enough to finish the shut down sequence and disable the warheads.


	10. Chapter 10

Chapter 10

Oscar had been right. Jaime only had seconds to catch her breath before the tube flooded. The crushing sensation almost made her blackout, the pressure was so intense, yet it was nothing compared to the crushing she felt inside her heart. She panicked as she felt her body hurtling through the dark water – not being able to tell if she was heading for the surface or towards the ocean floor. After what seemed like an eternity, she could finally detect the slightest glimmer of light, as she rapidly approached the surface. She thought her lungs would burst, and then, she had made it. She was alive. Out of breath, but alive.

Fighting to keep her head above the waves, she scanned the horizon for a land, or a ship. Nothing. She treaded water for about a half and hour trying to decide which way to swim. Then she noticed a sea gull. She watched it as it flew off towards the east. There was still no sign of Oscar – or a torpedo launch. Reluctantly, she followed the bird, hoping it would lead her to shore. After about a 20 mile swim, she saw a blip on the horizon. Land. She was beginning to tire, but mercifully, she only had another mile to go before she found herself again on dry ground. Sprawling herself on the sand, she allowed her body to soak up the warmth of the sun. She clung to the glimmer of hope that somehow Oscar would be able to escape, or that he would somehow be rescued when the sub was recovered. The alternative was too much to bear.

Luckily, she had landed on one of the Spratly islands – in one of the busiest shipping lanes in the world. By the end of the day, she was able to flag down a freighter heading back to Manila. She managed to contact Russ while she was still on the ship and he assured her he would do all he could to start a recovery effort. A few days later Steve had returned from space and convinced Jaime that she needed to leave the Philippines – there was nothing she could do for Oscar there. Reluctantly, she agreed.

Days turned into weeks. Jaime was outraged with the lack of progress in locating the crippled submarine. She had given them a fairly accurate estimation of its last known location. The prevailing assumption was that the submarine had lost power once the core was breached, and eventually slid off the shelf it had rested on and down into one of the deep trenches ringing the South China Sea. This would make any recovery effort more difficult. Seven weeks after the accident, the sub was finally located. It had indeed slipped into a trench, and it was too deep to recover the entire submarine. The nuclear warheads were able to be retrieved by an unmanned remote controlled submarine. The remote was able to extract the loaded warheads directly from the torpedo tubes. The terrorists had failed.

Steve dreaded the visit he had to make. Jaime hadn't yet heard the news of the discovery of the submarine – or the fact that they wouldn't be able to recover it. She had been an emotional wreck since he brought her home from Manila. He and Rudy were already grieving for their friend, having faced the harsh reality that he wasn't coming home. But Jaime refused to join them in their grief. She stubbornly held out hope that when the ship was recovered, he would be alive and well. Steve didn't point out that with the core breach, he wouldn't have lasted out the day. Even if the core hadn't breached, because the engines were now crippled there wouldn't have been enough air on board to have lasted seven weeks. And finally, even if there had been enough air, they could never pull the sub up from the depths to which it had sunk.

Rudy offered to come along to help him break the news to her, but Steve thought it best he handle it alone. Jaime had been staying at Oscar's house. It was more comfortable than a hotel, and she somehow felt closer to him there. Jaime greeted Steve at the door, talking quickly about nothing in particular, sensing that Steve had news for her – news she didn't want to hear. Maybe if she didn't stop talking, he would never have to tell her that Oscar was dead. Steve grabbed her by her arms and shook her slightly. "Sweetheart, it's over. They've found the submarine…"

"When's Oscar coming home? They found him didn't they?" Her eyes were already brimming over with tears. She couldn't really fool herself. She could tell by the look on Steve's face that they hadn't.

"No honey. They didn't. The sub's slipped too far down. A recovery effort is out of the question." He pulled her into his arms before she collapsed, and carried her into the living room, sinking down on the sofa with her. He loved Jaime, and it tore at his heart to see her in such agony. Steve knew she was close to Oscar, and suspected that her feelings had gone way beyond friendship, but he hadn't expected her grief to be so profound. It was as if a piece of her soul had died along with Oscar.

He and Rudy accompanied Jaime to the cemetery. More than 1,000 people attended to pay tribute to him, most of them never knowing the sacrifice he made in his final hours. His tombstone was placed next to his wife and children's. Jaime stood at the edge of the empty gravesite. His body would never be recovered, resting forever on the ocean floor. She leaned down to trace the letters of his name on the tombstone, her fingers lingering as she ran them over the cold, hard granite. For close to an hour she sat there…staring. Seeing his name carved into the stone made everything seem all too real.

The overwhelming feeling of emptiness enveloped her, threatening to drown her in her grief and despair. The thought of never seeing his face, never hearing his voice, never touching his lips again was too much to bear. Now Jaime knew how Oscar had felt – that she could never love another person again. That there was nothing to live for. But she was alive, because of Oscar, and she knew she would have to go on somehow without him. Rudy and Steve knelt beside her as she kissed her hand and then pressed it to the grave. "I'm ready."

THE END


End file.
